One thing I have realized over this past Easter/ General Conference weekend is that our Savior is an amazing being. How lucky are we to have him by our side throughout this journey.
I realized with my last post that I may have come off as “I am not struggling one bit with this”. While this was the best decision and I am so much happier and at peace, it doesn’t mean that some days may not just suck.
It doesn’t mean that all my Timehop memories are wedding related right now and I often ponder what the heck happened. I have my moments of weakness, I cry, I let Satan in my head, I blame myself.
One thing they’ve always said is that when you need to hear something you will hear it and you will think the talks were designed just for you. I can’t say that’s not how I felt watching General Conference. The talks on forgiveness, on relying on our Savior, all of it, I felt like those men were just talking straight to me.
Forgiveness is a tough one. Forgiving someone that you may have felt wronged you in so many ways, or who treated you poorly, whatever it may be, I feel like we all have those people in our lives that we still hold a little bit of bitterness towards. We have that one person or people who the thought of forgiving them never crossed our minds. We may find it easier to look towards bitterness and hatred rather than love and charity. But our Savior asked us to forgive everyone. Whatever the circumstance, we need to work on forgiveness.
I am the furthest thing from perfect when it comes to forgiveness. It is something I know i need to work on. Forgiving those who i believe hurt me or wronged me makes me want to vomit. And i know that I am not there yet on forgiveness , and that’s okay. But i feel like our savior just wants improvement. He wants to see effort and progress. He doesn’t want us to move backwards but forward in all things. We can’t relive the past. We have to move on. We have to put in our true effort and he will make up the rest, this I know. But I feel like it’s okay for forgiveness to take time. It’s okay to need time to heal before seeking out those that wronged you and forgiving them.
One important part that I’ve had to learn in forgiveness is learning to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for whatever it may be. Letting go of that burden that’s been on your shoulders. Finding freedom from those thoughts and memories. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving those around you.
Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be strong every single day. You are aloud to have your days of weakness, you’re aloud to mourn. But one thing that has helped me is to not wonder what if. To dwell on those memories. It has helped me to pray to move forward with my life, and I believe my Savior has aloud me to do that fairly quicker. And for that I am so ever grateful. I believe that is the reason that I am okay. I believe that’s the reason i have found my smile so quickly again. I believe that’s why I found my joy and why I am doing “so okay” with this. My Savior has given me an enormous amount of strength, especially on those days that are hard.
I also learned that it’s okay to lean on others, especially our Savior. Some days can be tough. Some days can be easy. In either circumstance it’s okay to lean on the support and love from those around you. The Savior puts people in our lives to help us. To be a comfort and a sense of peace to us. When the days are tough don’t be afraid to lean on those people.
My mom has been such a strength for me at this time of my life. She is so much more than a mom. She’s a listener, a protector, a best friend, and she is the BEST grandma. If it wasn’t for her I’m not sure I’d ever have a peaceful shower or be able to eat with both hands.
My sister, Jen is one incredible human being. She has the heart of gold. She is a best friend and she is someone who is there for me whenever I need her. She listens, loves and protects.
I am grateful for my sweet Hunter. I am grateful for the love and peace he brings in to my life. He is such a perfect human being and I see the savior in those sweet eyes of his. He is an example to me to keep going and never lose hope. I love you baby boy.
My family are the best people for me. They are all there for me with whatever I need. They show me how to love, and find joy in life. I am so grateful for them.
I am grateful for all of those who reached out to me in love and concern after my last post. Each and every one of you touched my heart and I am thankful for you. I love you all and you boosted my spirits!
I am so grateful for my knowledge of the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know he took on the sins of this world for me, for you, for all of us. Because of him, I can get through this time in my life. Because of him, I am able to seek joy and happiness again. Because of him I have people placed in my life to pull me through. Because of him I have strength to overcome Satan. Because of him I have strength to get through those harder days. I love my Savior and I would be nothing without him.
Hugs and love to you all ❤️
